Keeping on keeping on

Another day slips by, thankfully almost without incident. His midday collapse was less pronounced, possibly due to less activity in the morning. There was some consternation amongst the staff about the slightly high speed that one drug was infused but there were no ill effects. In fact, it opened up a good conversation with another of the consultants. They were saying that there are about three modes of behavior they see from people in our circumstance: 1. Believe, hoping against hope, that everything's going to be fine, 2. Block, keep head down and go stoically into a descent into misery, or 3. float somewhere between the two poles, enjoying the moment as best we can, knowing that time is short for all of us, and that there is still a chance of cure. For Al, working in a cancer centre makes it quite awkward just seeing the words '2nd line' on the treatment plan. But we learn from Nehemiah, a great Bible hero, that everyone can feel scared. As a mere captive servant before the Persian potentate Artaxerxes, he confesses, 'I was very sore afraid' when the King asked him why he was sad. No-one was allowed to be sad in the king's presence, but Nehemiah could not hide the overwhelming burden he felt for the state of Jerusalem and Israel. Instead of summary execution, the king took the astonishing step of sending Nehemiah to re-build Jerusalem at the kings' expense. A painted smile or stoney stoicism would not have melted the kings' heart...

Pads walked home from hospital across the park and enjoyed a quiet evening. We've set the enteral feed up again overnight as we think his appetite is starting to fall off a bit. At 40ml per hour, it should go through nice and slowly. Hopefully it won't alarm too much in the night, eg. which it does if the tube gets kinked.